I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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