She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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