Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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