I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
