she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
