OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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