Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pants are for mortals
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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