My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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