my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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