3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
