Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
