What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
