who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
