When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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