is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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