Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
