Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize