Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
