I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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