I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
