I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
