Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
