I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
