drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
