Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
