just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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