i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
