dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no, he came in my armpit
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
