we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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