Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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