dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
