just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
