i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He did a backflip because drugs
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
