I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
