you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
