my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
either way he was missing a nipple.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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