Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
