As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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