u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
