You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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