I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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