dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
