I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
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Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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