Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.

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(323): View more from California

Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.

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(561): View more from Florida

definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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(518): View more from New York

Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.

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(443): View more from Maryland

My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle

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(561): View more from Florida

I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.

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