The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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