I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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