shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
