And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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