I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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