I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she looked like the before picture.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dignity is for republicans.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
