thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
