I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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