I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
