You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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