God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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