Kareoke will never be a sober sport
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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