Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
