I accidentally had phone sex last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
